Joke by: Jeremy Burner
While working at the checkout counter, I sneezed, and the woman behind me said, “Bless you.”
I turned, smiled, and said, “Thank you. Blessings upon you and your family as well.”
She gave me a strange look. “Careful,” she warned.
I raised an eyebrow. “Careful of what?”
She rolled her eyes. “Nothing. Happy holidays.”
I nodded. “Merry Christmas.”
Her smile stiffened. “You should say Happy Holidays. You might offend someone.”
“Of course,” I said. “Have a wonderful holy day.”
“No,” she snapped. “Holiday.”
“Right. Holy day.”
“That is not what I said.”
I grinned knowingly. “Ah, but that is exactly what it means.”
Her mouth opened. Then closed.
“Goodbye,” she said.
I gave her another friendly nod. “God be with you as well.”
She stopped mid-step. “What!?”
“Goodbye,” I clarified. “It’s a contraction of God be with ye.”
She stared at me like I had personally vandalized the dictionary.
Then she turned, clearly hoping to escape the theological ambush she had accidentally wandered into.
I called after her, one hand lifted dramatically, the other pressed over my heart.
“And may the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be upon you—to the shame and belittlement of all false religions!”
She froze.
I lowered my hand.
“See?” I said. “That was offensive.”